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October 27 A lesson in GermanDog: Barkenpantensniffer Dog Catcher: Barkenpantensniffersnatcher Dog Catcher’s Truck: Barkenpantensniffersnatcherwagen Garage for Truck: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenhaus Truck Repairman: Mechanic’s Union: Doctor: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker Nurse: Chestergethumpenpulsentookerhelper Hypodermic Needle: Backside: Chestergethumpenpulsentookerhelperhurtenstickerstabbenplatz Piano: Plinkenplankenplunkenbox Pianist: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder Piano Stool: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounderspinnenseat Piano Recital: Fathers at the Recital: Mothers at the Recital: Automobile: Honkenbrakenscreecher Gasoline: Honkenbrakenscreecherzoomerjuicen Driver: Honkenbrakenscreecherguidenschtunker Auto Mechanic: Honkenbrakenscreecherknockengepingersputtergefixer Repair Bill: Bankenrollergebustenuptottenliste
You are from Canada when...You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when…. 1. You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. 2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 3. The mosquitoes have landing lights. 4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. 5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat. 6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. 7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground. 8. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. 9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. 10. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. 11. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports. 12. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. 13. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun. 14. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof. 15. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday. 16. You head south to go to your cottage. 17. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won’t prowl on your deck. 18. You know which leaves make good toilet paper. 19. The major parish fund-raiser isn’t bingo - it’s sausage making. 20. You find -40C a little chilly. 21. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer. 22. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels. 23. You can play road hockey on skates. 24. You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction. 25. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. 26. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends. June 25 Adult resignationI am hereby officially tendering my I want to go to McDonald's and think I want to think M&Ms are better than money I want to return to a time when life was simple;
but that didn't bother you, All you knew was to be happy because
I want to be oblivious
I want to believe in the power of smiles, So... here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. "Tag! you're it." Why Dogs Are Better Than Men* ... Dogs don't have trouble expressing affection in public. * ... Dogs miss you when you're gone. * ... You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you. * .. Dogs don't brag about whom they've slept with. * ... Dogs don't criticize your friends. * ... Dogs admit it when they're jealous. * ... Dogs don't play games with you - except fetch - and they never laugh at the way you throw the ball. * ... Dogs are happy with any video that you rent. They always remember that the most important thing is that you are together. * ... Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence. * ... You can take a dog to a groomer. * ... Dogs are already in touch with their inner feelings. * ... You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams. * ... Gorgeous dogs don't know they are gorgeous. * ... Dogs understand what"No" means. * ... Dogs don't need therapy. * ... Dogs understand if some of their friends can't come inside. * ... Dogs think you are a culinary genius. * ... You can housetrain a dog. * ... You can force a dog to take a bath. * ... Dogs don't correct your stories. * ... Middle aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner. * ... Dogs admit it when they are lost. * ... Dogs don't criticize your driving. * ... Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff. * ... Dogs are nice to your relatives. * ... Dogs mean it when they kiss you. * ... Dogs can entertain themselves for longer than two minutes. * ... Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. * ... Dogs don't care whether you shave your legs. * ... Dogs don't complain if the sink is full of dirty dishes. * ... YOU CAN TRAIN A DOG! March 09 LifeAs we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hea rts too,so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. So send this to all of your friends in the next 5 minutes and a miracle will happen tonight. Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot; who calls you back when you hang up on him; who will stay awake just to watch you sleep Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead; who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats; who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to hisfriends and says, "..that's her." March 02 Relax your anus...Just when I think Mr. Blooming Idiot has reached his level of stupidity, he surprises me again! Trying to get something valuable from you is like trying to squeeze orange juice from an apple. Generally, there's nothing wrong with having nothing worthwhile to say - unles you insist on it. And you do, man! Fourth year in a row! Reading your application made me think that you could type everything you know on the subject on a back of a postage stamp and still have room left for a shopping list. The Anti Moron™ software on my laptop went crazy when I started to read your application. Clearly, the full area of your stupidity is not yet mapped. It's like you have a big whole in your head. Don't you think it's time to shut it?! As I already said...maybe you wouldn't become such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if your father didn't screw a plant and raised a blooming idiot! With all those shit comming out of your mouth and your brain, I bet your mother didn't know on which end to put the diaper on!
In future, wake up that dozzed hamster operating that wheel-powered brain of yours before you start typing! March 01 God bless America!
Zakon u gradu Fort Madison, Iowa, USA: Vatrogasci moraju vježbati gašenje vatre 15 minuta prije nego krenu prema mjestu požara. A zato kasno stižu na mjesto nesreće!
 Tekst zakona u državi Kansas, USA: Ako se dva vlaka susretnu na istom kolosjeku niti jedan ne smije nastaviti dok drugi ne prođe. Molim vas, pokažite ovaj zakon svom profesoru iz logike  Zakon u državi Nebraska, USA: Ako dijete podrigne u crkvi njegovi roditelji mogu završiti u zatvoru. Nema vise Cole prije mise...
Propis u gradu Carrizozo, New Mexico, USA: Zabranjeno je da se ženska osoba pojavljuje u javnosti neobrijana.
Hm, šteta što nisu definirali područje brijanja... Zakonom u državi New York, USA izričito je zabranjeno skakanje sa zgrade. Onoga koji to prekrši očekuje smrtna kazna. Samoubojica:Država - 2:0
U državi Ohio (USA) zabranjeno je napiti ribu. E, pa neće Ohio mene vidjeti tako skoro!
Zakon u gradu Danville, Pennsylvania, USA: Svi hidranti moraju biti provjereni sat vremena prije izbijanja požara. Pretpostavljam da imaj parapsihološke jedinice koje im javljaju točno vrijeme i mjesto izbijanja požara.
Zakon u gradu Memphis, Tennessee, USA: žabama je zabranjeno kreketati iza 23 sata. Ili...? Isušit će im močvaru?!
 U državi Texas, USA, propisi dozvoljavaju voziti auto bez prednjeg stakla pod uvjetom da ima brisače.
U sluačju da padne kiša, jel...? Nedavno izglasan zakon u državi Texas, USA, obvezuje kriminalce da svoje žrtve obavijeste 24 sata unaprijed da će postati žrtve, te da im objasne zbog čega će ih napasti Tehnički, jesu li oni i dalje žrtve ako znaju za napad ili sudionici!?
U državi Utah, USA, dozvoljeno je imati privatno nuklearno oružje, samo morate paziti da ga ne aktivirate, jer je to kažnjivo. A gdje se izdaje dozvola za privatno nuklearno oružje? U gradu Wilbur, Washington, USA zabranjeno je jahati na ružnom konju. Ovo mora da je matični grad svih izbora ljepote. December 05 Jedan dan u životu sponzoruše...Probudila sam se s osjećajem „sponzoruše“. U skladu s tim sam si organizirala dan. Napravila sam 7 trbušnjaka, 4 skleka i 4 gužnjaka. Istuširala se novim gelom „Jutranji lahor s aloa vera 48 sati zaštita“ koji sam kupila u DEEMU na akciji. Pojela za doručak pola banane i 4 grama musli-a (samo 48 kalorija i 0,3 grama masti) sa nagradom igrom „Osvoji kutiju džabe“. Nakon doručka nisam otišla na posao, jer mi je VISA „Kupi babi jagode“ puna ko čep, nego u omiljeni birc „Kubanski fado ananas longe bar“. Čuvar me odmah pustio. (Ah te veze...) Popila sam kavu sa cikorijom i mljevenim rogačem. Sreća da imam štelu u „Mili“ pa mi jave šta je trenutno in. Prelistala sam omiljeni časopis ELLE, folirala da imam video call na novom mobitelu Sam i Sung s kamerom „koji će mi ku*ac“ od 12 nekih šta ti ja znam piksli i 4 puta zoomom. Nakon kave odjurila sam u solarij „Žega“ da se nakvarcam ko kikiriki. Izgorila mi je guzica, ali to sam rijesila sa AB kulturom. Brzo odjurim kod frizerke da me malo natapira (Mila kaze to je sad in u modnim krugovima) jer imam zakazan sastanak s estetskim kirurgom. Napumpao mi je usne i sise. Povela sam i prijatelja da napumpa njega...popust je popust. Shrvana umorom stigla sam kući. Čuvar me opet pustio. Batleri su mi dali omiljenu bijalu košulju s kopčanjem odostraga te sam smazala svih 69 propisanih tableta i iscrpljena zaspala. Kakav dan...
Sutra bi se mogla osjećati ko miss sedamnaestog-od-dvadeset-i-devet-izbora-ljepote...
December 01 Šta sam naucila zadnjih 10 mjeseci...1. Friend in a need is a friend indeed 2. Na muci se poznaju junaci... 3. Tko ne riskira, ne profitira (naucila, ali jos nisam savladala) 4. Uvijek gledaj mrtvi kut
Naučio sam... da trebamo biti zahvalni što nam Bog ne daje uvijek ono što tražimo Naučio sam... da uvijek možeš za nekoga moliti, kad nema snage da si može pomoći na drugi način. Naučio sam... da ti je, bez obzira koliko ozbiljnosti život zahtijeva od tebe, uvijek potreban prijatelj s kojim se možeš glupirati. Naučio sam... da je biti ljubazan važnije nego biti u pravu. Naučio sam... da ljubav, a ne vrijeme, liječi sve rane. Naučio sam... da svatko koga sretneš, zaslužuje da ga pozdraviš s osmjehom. Naučio sam... da dobre prilike nikada nisu izgubljene; netko će se uvijek poslužiti onima koje ti propustiš. Naučio sam... kada se naučiš živjeti u luci gorčine, sreća će se uvijek sidriti negdje drugdje. Naučio sam... da treba dijeliti riječi koje su nježne i mekane, jer češ ih sutra možda morati pojesti. Naučio sam... da je osmjeh jedan jeftin način da popraviš svoj izgled. Naučio sam... da ne mogu odabrati kako se osjećam, ali da mogu odabrati što ću napraviti u vezi toga. Naučio sam... da svi žele živjeti na planini, ali da se sva sreća i rast događaju dok se uspinješ. Naučio sam... da je dobro davati savjet samo u dva slučaja: kada ga netko traži ili kada je pitanje života i smrti. Naučio sam... kada planiraš osvetiti se nekome, time samo dozvoljavaš sebi da te ta osoba nastavi vrijeđati. Naučio sam... što imam manje vremena, više stvari mogu napraviti
Andy Rooney Najkraći put do ženskog srca......oštrim predmetom između rebara i pravac...  November 29 Mentalna zabiljeskaGledam reklame na TV-u...VIP nova tarifa...
Ajd ubaci vip karticu pa ćemo šutiti za 0,91 kunu po minuti November 11 My Warning Label
Check out yours HERE
How to make a Vesna - Personality Coctail
Make your own Cocktail HERE November 03 Positive side of life...Life is expensive, but at least you have a free ride around the sun every day. Duration of one minute depends on on which side of the toilet doors are you standing.
Birthdays are useful. The more you have them – the longer you live.
Have you noticed people coming late always have happier facial expression than those who are waiting?
Some mistakes are too fun to make them only once.
We can learn a lot from pencils: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are ugly, some have weird names, all of them are different colours…but still they are all nicely packed in the same box.
Truly happy person knows how to enjoy the landscape even when she has to take a round way. October 26 About new technologies...ad. 1...few days ago I had to WRITE DOWN some important things on the paper. First thing I realized is that paper isn’t lying on the table like it used to, but I had to pull it out from the printer. Next challenge was to find a pen. Where is it? How does it look like? I wagely remembered it’s kind of a stick with cartridge inside. Finally I found it in the bottom of the drawer. Moving on…holding a pen after all that time was an orgasmic pleasure, but writing with it seemed to be harder than I expected. My wrist couldn’t bend in the right angle; fingers got all crossed, moving around the pen, trying to find a familiar feeling that just wasn’t there. And then I realized I don’t have a bump on my middle finger, that bump that was there through out all school years. Does anyone today have this cute little mutation that was following us for years? Finally, I remembered everything related to hand printing and noted down those few lines. While I was looking the written things, I was thinking how I really mustn’t loose those information. My left hand automatically moved to the keyboard and pressed shortcut for ”save”. And I repeated it few times, coz I couldn’t see little sand watch turning on the paper… English-Chinese dictionary ;-)1. Small horse -> Tai ni po ni 2. Did U go to the beach? -> Wai yu so tan? 3. I bumped into a coffee table-> Ai bang mai ni 4. I think U need a facelift -> Chin tu fat 5. Has your flight been delayed? -> Hao long wei ting? 7. I thought U were on a diet. -> Wai yu mun ching? 8. This is a tow away zone -> No par king 9. Do U know the lyrics to the macarena? -> Wai yu sing dum song? 10. Stay out of sight. -> Lei lo 11. Your body odor is offensive. -> Yu stin ki pu Random misao...Budućnost: ljudski rod je podlegao mutiranom virusu ptičje gripe.
Jedini preživjeli: budući da su praktički živjeli u karanteni - stanari Big Brother kuće!!! Zastrašujuće!!!
October 11 About new technologiesLately, I'm spending way too much in front of the computer. Somehow it's taking over bigger and bigger part of my life. Do you remember times when you were talking with your friends in person and not over sms-es or chat? When you met friends in life and not on internet? These days I'm even spending more time with my boyfriend on Internet than in person. And there's a whole new way of thinking as well... Situation No.1 I'm having coffee with a friend who is having issues with her boyfriend. Again. For the 47th time this year. It's getting quite frustrating for me to listen to the same story every time, and the guy is really a jerk. However...my job as a friend is to sit quietly, listen to her and give her support in whatever she decides to do. But, of course my big mouth can't stay closed and I say something like "WTF!!! Will you finally leave that idiot?!" Half a second later in the „old time“ I would say "I'm sorry, didn't mean it that way" and beg for forgiveness. Today, I feel like banging my hand on the table and scream UNDO! UNDO! Situation No.2 I'm sitting on a coffee with a friend's friend friend. They said the guy is great. But finally meeting him on a blind date, I realize my friends have really weird sense of humor. Or a bet involving my ass! Anyway...old-fashioned excuse „I'm sorry...I'm really busy, gotta run“ just doesn't start blinking in my head. All I want to do is to press „Esc“ Situation No.3 Crowded tram...Only thing going through my mind is clicking on „Space“ And now it's slowly becoming a joke...we are ctrl x – ctrl v ourselves from the smoking break back in the office, screaming F1 when we need help in delivering sessions... Damn technology! Where are those beautiful days when a guy talking to himself was just another nut case in a row and not a yuppie with the latest model of Bluetooth?! |
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